“Zenfully Quool Quotes”
Currently featuring “The Art of Living”
By Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh
When we are aware that our loved one is not a separate self
but a composition of many elements,
we can water the positive elements in them to help them grow.
This is true for ourselves as well.
We can practice watering the seeds in us
that we want to grow and transform.
Our mind is like a garden in which there are all kinds of seeds:
seeds of joy, peace, mindfulness, understanding, and love,
but also seeds of
craving, anger, fear, hate, and forgetfulness.
How you act and the quality of your life depends on which seeds you water.
If you plant tomato seeds in your garden, tomatoes will grow.
In the same way,
if you water a seed of peace in your mind,
peace will grow.
When the seed of happiness in you is watered,
your happiness will bloom.
When the seed of anger in you is watered,
you will become angry.
The seeds that are watered frequently will grow strong,
so you need to be a mindful gardener,
selectively watering those seeds you would like to cultivate
and not watering the seeds you do not want to grow.
Each one of us has our strengths and weaknesses.
We might think
“I have a short temper” or “I’m a good friend;
I’m a good listener.”
We believe these qualities define us.
But they do not belong to us alone.
They belong to the whole stream of our inheritance.
When we see that we are made of non-us elements,
it is much easier to accept all our good qualities,
as well as weaknesses and shortcomings,
with understanding and compassion.
When you are in a committed relationship,
you have two gardens:
your garden and the garden of your beloved.
First,
you have to take care of your garden and master the art of gardening.
In each one of us there are flowers and there is also garbage.
The garbage is the
anger, fear, discrimination, and jealousy within.
If you water the garbage,
you will strengthen the negative seeds.
If you water the flowers of compassion, understanding, and love,
you will strengthen the positive seeds.
What you grow is up to you.
If you don’t know how to practice selective watering in your own garden,
then you won’t have enough wisdom to help water the flowers
in the garden of your beloved.
In cultivating your own garden well,
you also help to cultivate your beloved’s garden.
Even a week of practice can make a big difference.
Everyone can do this.
We all need to practice like this
in order to keep our relationships alive.
Every time you practice walking mindfully,
investing your mind and body in every step,
you help to cultivate the peace, joy, and the freedom you need.
Every time you breathe in and know you are breathing in,
every time you breathe out and smile to your out-breath,
you become who you truly are.
You become your own master,
and the gardener of your own garden.
Take good care of your garden
so you can help your beloved take good care of theirs.
If you are in a difficult relationship
and you want to make peace with the other person,
you have to go home to yourself first.
You have to go home to your garden and cultivate the flowers of
peace, compassion, gratitude, understanding, and joy.
Only then can you come to the other person and offer
patience, acceptance, understanding, and compassion.
When you commit to another person,
you make a promise to grow together.
It is your responsibility to take care of each other.
Yet over time,
you may encounter difficulties, and you may begin to neglect your garden.
One morning,
you may wake up and suddenly realize that
your garden is overgrown with weeds
and that the light has faded from your love.
It’s never too late to do something about it.
Your love is still there,
and the person you fell in love with is still there,
but your garden is in need of some attention.
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Zenfully Quool Quotes Quommentary
by rog
as the ‘Maui Marrying Man’…
I’ve heard hundreds of people’s Luv Stories.
Many of marriages we take part in is often a 2cd or 3rd try…
Most failed marriages are due to the fact that
the couples were not good ‘gardeners’ of their
‘Garden of life’.
This takes a skill that often takes one their whole life to perfect.
We are all born with the same self-centered perspective…
Babies literally feel they are the center of existence…
Then,
They learn that there is also a ‘mommy’… then a ‘daddy’…
Perhaps a brother or sister…
As we grow and mature…
We become less ‘self’ centered and more family centered or ‘centric’…
Then school centric
Town centric… state country centric…
Then those that allow themselves to evolve properly become…
World centric.
A metric of one’s psychological growth development is
how well they can relate to another person’s perspective…
How well they can “walk in their shoes”.
The more perspectives one can integrate into their perspectives…
The more empathy, compassion, love, joy and understanding
they will have for others.
If we get married before we’ve learned to take on the perspectives of others…
We will simply not be capable of offering true
empathy, compassion, love, joy and understanding
to their newly wed partner.
Sure…
When your head over heals in love…
You are overwhelmed with a love trance…
And as long as the honeymoon is sizzling hot…
Everything is fine… even for those that are not
psychologically and emotionally evolved.
But…
When the honeymoon is over…
And often, all it takes is to forget to put the lid back on the toothpaste
or forget to take the garbage out once too often…
Then…
The self-centered, underdeveloped ego will take over
all reasoning, thoughts, speech and actions.
Often the marriage dissolves…
The down payment for a house goes to lawyers and spousal support…
Then,
Life goes on… not so… “happily ever after”.
But,
As wise Sages point out:
“Everything that has happened… Had to”.
Not because of fate or mystical ‘karma’…
But,
Since the couples was not good ‘gardeners’ of their ‘garden of Life’…
This dismal outcome was a natural progression of not growing up.
For a lot of people…
This first marriage is a wake up call to…
Wake Up, Show up and Grow up!
Then, when they met another more evolved mate
that has gone through similar learning experiences…
There is natural component in their ‘Garden of Life’.
They both have grown and learned by experience:
True empathy, compassion, understanding, joy and Love…
They are no longer mainly self-centered but now
humble their egos and put the other’s perspective first
or at least properly integrated with theirs.
These couples have indeed learned the profound lessons of being…
Good ‘Gardeners of their Life’.
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